Christmas 2010
Dear Friends,
Well fuck me – what a year it’s been! You’ll remember from last Christmas that I was hoping to get that promotion - and the big news is... I bloody did! Unfortunately I’m having to do a job-share, because all the candidates were so popular that they declared it a draw. I’ve ended up sharing an office with this Nick bloke who apparently gave a great interview. Samantha tells me just to keep my head down and ignore him.
The new job has meant that me, Sam and the kids have all had to relocate to central London. Living in a terraced house - can you fucking imagine?! Still, austere times eh? Apparently the previous occupants had to be kicked out! You should have seen the state of the place when we moved in - tartan carpets and tartan wallpaper in every room. It’s like they were either Scottish or blind. Not to worry though – apparently George from Finance can get us 20% off Osborne & Little wallpaper.
Paul, our pet octopus, had an extremely successful year - correctly predicting the results of every single World Cup match! Unfortunately his success was short-lived as Paul tragically drowned in late October. It’s too soon for me to talk much about it – the ink has barely dried. Before he died he gave me a mysterious prediction about problems with “Cable” and “Sky”: it’s weird – we use Freeview.
Talking of the World Cup, we were disappointed not to make the grade for 2018. Who would have guessed that the combined charm of me, Prince William and David Beckham wouldn’t be enough to swing it? Still – all the office are looking forward to jetting off to Qatar in 2022. (Apart from William Hague, who’s looking extremely nervous if you ask me.)
We were over the moon in August when Samantha went into Labour. (Just my little joke there!) Unfortunately, the early delivery fucked our plans to coincide the birth with Pope Benedict’s visit, so the Christening was performed by the local vicar instead. We have worked out that when baby Florence is old enough to go to University tuition fees will be £800,000 a year.
Tony (Hayward)’s retirement bash in July was one of our last big nights out before the sleepless nights kicked in. In his short time as Chairman of BP, Tony made it one of the most talked about companies in the whole world. We did however manage to get a babysitter so we could make it along to Kate (Middleton) and Will (HRH, of Wales)’s engagement party in November. I think Wills has picked up a few of his Dad’s famous dance moves! Harry once again won the fancy dress competition – this time with his Princess Di outfit.
Hope you’re all doing ok in the snowy weather - we’ve been saying for years that a massive 4x4 is the only sensible car to travel around a major city in!
Can’t wait to catch up with you all soon.
Love Dave, Sam and fam (ily)! x